Many parents experience their children arguing, fighting and in conflict at various times. While this behaviour is common, there are heart strings that are pulled and tensions begin to raise.

We may start to pick sides, or demand “what did you do to your sister/brother?”. While we as parents may feel we know who started the fight, we may never know what happened. There are many factors that occur that we will never know about.

I can think of a time when our then 18-month-old sat in the hallway screaming her head off and I came flying out of my bedroom ready to correct my older child. However, my older child was contently playing in his bedroom. WHAT?!?! You mean the 18-month-old is able to set up a situation for me to assume what happened? This was a huge AH-HA parenting moment. There is so much that happens that we are not aware of, that we miss, or just never see.

Therefore, I want to share with you the 3 Bs in Positive Parenting. These are from Dr. Jane Nelson’s Positive Discipline Parenting Way.

When our children are fighting there are 3 Bs we can keep in mind and decide to use while keeping ourselves and children safe:

1. Beat It: The parents make sure the children see them and then leave the room.
2. Bear It: The parent stays and observes, but does not get involved.
3. Boot ’em Out: The parent removes all the children from the environment while treating them the same. “Kids if you want to fight, you need to do it outside” ; “Kids, you can go to separate rooms until you are ready to stop fighting”; or “Kids, I have faith in you to figure this out”.

Bonus Parenting Tool Tips:
Be mindful to treat the older and younger children the same. This may prevent the victim and bully assumptions

• Use a “Positive Time Out” area as needed to promote self-regulation
• Use “Wheel of Choice” before the fighting starts